Once upon a time there was a boy named Lance Armstrong. He grew up in the days of Jesus and people laughing at a guy who said they'd all drown. Suddenly, out of nowhere came the Spanish Inquisition, when Hitler and Gandhi came through on motorcycles and shot everyone who didn't like Jesus. But then they came down of the LSD and decided Jesus wasn't so great anyway, so they proceeded to nail him on a cross and throw rocks at him. But before they could do it a flood washed everyone away. Nobody knows how but a guy named Paul Bunyan somehow managed to build a tiny dinghy so stay of the water with. Since Paul Bunyan was OVER NINE THOOOOUUUUSSSAND feet tall, a lot of people got into this little dinghy/great ark and survived. Billions of years later a guy who was a direct descendant of Paul Bunyan was born by the name of Barry Soetoro. This little black/white/asian/mexican/venezuelan/south african/german nazy/chinese communist motherf**ker turned out to be a monkey, but one day he declared he was so cool you could keep a side of meat in him for a month and he was so hip he had difficulty seeing over his pelvis, people loved him and he became King of the Universe slash Ambassador to parallel dimensions. Nobody knows how or why, but suddenly a zillion little geckos fell out of a hyper dimensional portal and ate Barry's body, which had been killed by angry right-wing extremists. Then the geckos got jiggy with a bunch of llamas which simultaneously exploded, much in the way that guacamole shouldn't. The moral of the story is, if you plan of having sex with a llama, you should at least change your name to something other than Barry Soetoro. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the story of why Barry Soetoro changed his name to Barack Hussein al Tikrit Musaf bin Hallash Obama. The geckos took over the world for about 10 minutes to save everyone 10%, OR MORE, on their car insurance. Then they ate bad guacamole and exploded. A hot pink hippopotamus named Sarah Palin and her trusty sidekick, an inside-out sperm whale, fell out of the sky and the geckos exploded again.
-NAK



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